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Well, life changes!

Before: Cute apartment, not too big not too small. Happy husband with a well-paying job. Good contacts both professional and personal. Living in that area, while not perfect, had lots to do to keep a family busy! We began thinking about adding to our little family…

In the Past Few Months: We became pregnant, hooray! A few months later, Husband lost his well-paying seemingly stable job, not so hooray. We decided, for financial reasons; instead of TOTALLY sucking off of Uncle Sam’s teat we would move back into the old family home with my mother which would reduce our normal bills by half (think RENT and HEAT/Electric) while still allowing us to pitch in financially and around her house.

Might I add, I LOATHE the place I spent my adolescence. I suppose I could say I grew up there, as I spent my teenage years there, but it’s always been a place of turmoil for me. A place of hard lessons and fighting for independence and sanity. No matter how dull, or snowy, or rough things got in our “new” home, we always would say “At least it’s not like back home!”

But, in an attempt to be responsible parents, we decided to give up our stubborn independence; which at that point would have ment completely 100% going on welfare and still being behind on bills. We felt we should do what was financially more responsible for the sake of not only our daughter, but our “Insider” baby as well. My mom’s house has a large nursery and lots of room and it would give us an opportunity to not become overloaded with debt.

Here is to good intentions! The best laid plans and best intentions blah blah blah…

Saying goodbye is always very hard for me. I usually just skip the big goodbyes and opt for a quick “SO LONG, Thanks for all the Fish” via internet or text. I had an emotional goodbye with one of my very best friends up there. I figured that was about all I could take.

I didn’t think I could bring myself to say goodbye to the zoo. For everything that’s happened there, the zoo has been the first place it’s happened, usually for better but also for worse sometimes. It really was kind of like walking out on a marriage when you are still in love with the person but you both know it’s just not going to work anymore. I know, I sound ridiculous. So many heartbreaking things have happened to me there. But so many wonderful amazing and life affirming things as well. I learned so much in the past seven years, made so many friends; human and animal and a few “enemies” I suppose too; human and animal. I don’t want to rant. That zoo and everything and everyone connected to it will always have a spacial place in my heart. I will let it be at that. I did go up and say a goodbye, at least as best I could. Going to leave that at that too.

So here we are. Husband is still searching for a good job, at least something we can live on as a family. I applied to a few part-time easy jobs that I wont get emotionally attached to, even got an interview. I am quite obviously pregnant and the question was posed on how many days I was expecting to need off in the next 90 days. A standard legal question that an employer has the right to ask; but it comes across as “So how long till you pop, eh? And how many doctor visits will you be needing?” Needless to say; I am also not working in a job that pays any money. Pretty sure being pregnant and caring for a toddler and a mopey husband is a full-time job in itself, but what do I know?

Turns out, my mom got a job offer two hours away and now wants us to take over the house for her, mortgage and all bills too is what she is asking; oh and watch the animals too ok hon? It seems what was supposed to be our sound financial decision is blowing up in our faces.

What should be my biggest concerns; keeping myself healthy for this baby inside and keeping my toddler happy (she went from two-three playdates a week plus storytime at the library to two playdates total since we got here) are now overshadowed. It is a very frustrating situation.

Our Forseeable Future: We are currently eagerly awaiting an interview my husband has next week. I am making tutu’s again and selling them locally and continuing to chase down leads to some financial security and a way to get back to our own life. We are trying to be as proactive and positive as humanly possible. Especially with a new year and new chances for possibilities and hope we are determined to not give up. We are still together as a family, we are expecting a wonderful new baby in a few months and we are both stubborn and determined and skilled people. Right now hope is what is keeping us together and we certainly aren’t going to let that be taken away by anything or anybody.

I talk a big game, now lets see me live up to it yeah?

Yeah. 🙂

Especially feeling my little inside baby moving around and kicking me hard it reminds me what I am capable of and reminds me not to lose hope. If for no other reason then to being this baby happily into our lives and into a good situation where it can grow up feeling loved and secure. I know my wonderful little toddler feels loved and secure, despite all the changes and everything that’s going on. It really is amazing just what you are willing to do to make sure your children never worry or feel afraid or unloved, especially when things get rough in every other aspect of your life.

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  1. July 26th, 2013
    Trackback from : Inside Pale

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