New Job

For the past two years I have been a happy stay at home mom, positively parenting my two wonderful babies and loving every moment. All of that is about to change. Due to our bad luck last fall, the two moves, the pay-cut and the birth, we are really struggling financially. So I have gotten a night job. On top of selling my tutu’s, and working for unnamed “work from home” sellout business.

This week was the first time in over 3 years our account has dipped into the red (plus the overdraft fee’s dammit, sinking us even further in.)Not all the bills last month were paid. The medical bills will just have to wait, and my student loan was late. Anyway, you get the picture.

It is not a bad job that I am starting tonight, just different. It is respectable work at least. The hours are long, 11pm- 7am, but we will not put our infant into daycare, no way. So that’s the way it has to be.I have enough milk pumped to last the first few nights and I will just have to be diligent about pumping at work. Gee that sounds like a fun talk tonight: “Hello! Thank you for hiring me! So here’s the deal, every 2-3 hours I need a 20 minute break to go drain milk from my breasts.” Not really looking forward to it, at least the law is on my side with this!

It is not in my career field. This is weighing on me pretty heavily. I know right now we have to do what is best for our family and that means being selfless and doing what has to be done. I also know it has been over 12 years since I did anything not related to my field except being home with my children. I have only had one other job in my life besides animal care and conservation work.

I am not nervous, I know I can do this kind of work, it is not rocket science. I am sad. I feel far away from my purpose. I feel an empty space where my life’s goal was. I keep trying to find the reasons why my path has been deviated. Perhaps I am to learn a lesson that will help me better achieve my life’s mission later?

My ambitions are clear. They always have been. I want to become a wildlife rehabilitator (specializing in rabies vectors and opossums) and continue zookeeping. I eventually want to be in the position to travel (with family of course) to do some field research, at least once; or travel abroad to other zoo’s and learn how they keep their animals there.

More than anything else, I want to continue to educate the general public about the state of our world and how they can help. I want people to be aware of the changes that are happening and how we as humans are impacting the natural world. I want people to care about the injustice being done to domestic and wild animals. I want people to KNOW and to UNDERSTAND.

I don’t know how the past few months, and the next few months are supposed to help me do that. I have to believe that there is a reason. Being of a scientific mind I am skeptical about many religious things, but there are some truths out there that can not be explained yet. There is a possibility of a higher force, and there is always possibility to learn something new from any situation. I know that the hardship we endure now is just to prepare us for the future. My whole life has been like that. I just don’t have the foresight to see the purpose yet of this particular life lesson.

My biggest immediate worry is how hubby is going to handle Mogwai all night. He is only waking 1-2 times a night for feedings, but he comfort sucks to fall asleep and sometimes will half wake just to comfort suck and make sure I am still right there next to him. Not sure how he is going to handle it, probably by crying to the point of being inconsolable. That thought breaks my heart. I hope hubby and him can come to some understanding. Hubby is wonderful in many many ways, but he is not very good with crying infants.

Speaking of… Mogwai is awake from his morning nap…

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